Your intuition wasn’t broken. You were groomed to ignore it.
Fraudulationship.com
Discovering you were in a fraudulationship is one of the most harrowing, difficult, distressing things you can go through. It catches you off-guard and fills you with questions about the other person and, maybe worse, causes you to question yourself.
Self-Blame
How could you have been so gullible? How could you have missed the signs? You wrack your brain and replay every interaction you had with that lying piece of toxic humanity. You vow never to let this happen to you again. But other than cutting yourself off from the rest of humanity and swearing off all future relationships, you’re not quite sure how to protect yourself.
This is where the idea of a constant comes in. It turns out I started using my version of a constant after I got involved in my fraudulationship. It wasn’t until I listened to the audiobook Psychopath Free by Jackson Mackenzie that I actually had a name for what I was doing.
What is a Constant?
So what is a constant? A constant can be real or made up. It is someone or something you love and admire, someone who is supportive and validates your feelings. You feel at home when you are around your constant. You can relax and be yourself. Weirdly enough, during my fraudulationship, my constant was my first husband. While our relationship wasn’t perfect, he treated me with respect, was honest, trustworthy and we were a good team. I didn’t have to walk on eggshells around him or worry that if I disagreed he would throw a man-tantrum.
Maybe you’re saying, “There is nobody in my life like that.” Maybe not. But that doesn’t mean you can’t create your own constant. It can be your dog, your best friend, a favorite teacher, religious figure, higher power or anyone who embodies characteristics that make you feel calm, supported and valued.
Who is Your Constant?
I’ll ask you again. Who is your constant? Focus on how you feel when you are around them. Really sit with those feelings for a moment and let them wash over you. Let these feelings sink into your soul.
Now bring to mind your toxic relationship. How do you feel when you are around this person? Chances are you feel small, frustrated, confused, maybe bullied, angry, unsettled or afraid. And you probably started to feel this way pretty early on. Your intuition wasn’t broken, they just conditioned you, groomed you, to ignore it and trained you to rationalize or make excuses for some really bad, unacceptable behavior. This will never happen to you again because you have a secret weapon — the way you feel when you are around your constant. And this is how you will never be duped into a fraudulationship again.